Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
