I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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