I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
