Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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