you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
