it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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