if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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