Pants 0. Shit 1.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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