i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
