I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
