I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
