I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
