4 words: hood of his car
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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