I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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