i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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