New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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