i need an iv and a liver transplant
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
