So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
