But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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