I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
