did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize