Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
