So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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