I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need to calm my uterus...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
