if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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