sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
