I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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