im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
