I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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