i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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