i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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