I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
time to smoke my breakfast
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
