Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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