My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
