Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
