Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
