STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
