I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
