Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
