Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
