My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
soo... how was my night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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