Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize