Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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