its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
