What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
