Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
