yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
