It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
