After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
