Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This baby is an asshole
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
