I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
