Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
