I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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