Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
