Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
