puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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