quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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