If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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