So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
