we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
