I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
