Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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