Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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